Thursday, July 3, 2014

June 1874 Defends Title Without Lifting a Finger

It was a valiant effort and an exciting match, but June 2014 in Minneapolis will have to settle for #2. June 1874 remains the wettest June on record. And for the defeated contender, it's all downhill from here.

"Well, the reality is, I will never exist again. This was my one shot, and I gave it my all, but in the long run, I came up short.  I may stay #2 for a while, but for all I know, June 2015 could unseat me. June 2015 could unseat June 1874. I hope it does. I hate that smug bastard."

In an emotionally charged moment, June 2014 reflected on its remarkable journey.

"I want to thank all my fans and supporters for believing in me. I mean, back in May, who would have guessed I would emerge from nothingness and go on to do what we did?  We might not have won the big match, but did we destroy some basements or what? And most importantly, we put in for a good fight. You guys are great. I love ya!"

The young month then retired and immediately fell silent.

June 2014 challenged June 1874 early and often, landing a 2-inch rainfall on the very first day of the month. And it didn't stop there. A 1.6" rain on the 14th kicked off a remarkable 6-day stretch during which over seven inches of rain fell, punctuated by what appeared to many to be the knockout blow of 4.13 inches on the 19th.

But the flurry was not enough to put the champ away, and some speculated it also exhausted the earnest challenger. With a comparatively weak finish, putting only six-tenths of an inch in the bucket during the final 11 days of the month, June 2014 fell short by nearly a third of an inch: 11.67 for the champ, to 11.36 for the challenger.

True to its stoic form, June 1874 was  not shaken at any point during the bout. As Benjamin Rosenthal puts it "obviously June 1874 has faced a lot of challengers. June 2014 was really just the latest in a seemingly-neverending parade of them. This was exciting, but also nothing new."

Rosenthal added that June 1874's lackadaisical approach seems to be working. "Look, the month has been history for what, 140 years? It, quite literally, has not done a damn thing since then. It's so long-gone, it can't even stink anymore. And yet, it defends its title with such grace, and such class. How do you even do that?"

So, like has happened every June since 1874, the old champ, June "The Pioneer" 1874, is still #1. And our latest great hope, "The Dazzler," will live in its shadow, like so many other ambitious Junes. And while we all may bet on the next sensation, perhaps we should acknowledge that the odds are against us.

Eventually though, the time will come, and June 1874's impressive reign will end. But which June will end it? According to Rosenthal, nobody knows. "What we do know is that the next champion is going to have to do more than June 2014 did, and that June 1874 is not going to try to stop it. Of course, it can't. Because it's a month. From the past."

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